How to Find Purpose in Life: 3 Questions That Change Everything

Why do so many people feel unfulfilled… even when life looks “good” on paper?

You might have:

• A career

• A routine

• Goals you’re actively chasing

And still catch yourself thinking:

“Why doesn’t this feel as meaningful as I thought it would?”

If that question has crossed your mind, you’re not alone. More importantly, you’re not off track—you’re just asking the wrong kinds of questions.

In a recent conversation inspired by The Meaning of Your Life by Arthur Brooks, we unpacked a powerful truth:

👉 Meaning in life doesn’t come from what you do—it comes from why you do it.

And most people never go that deep.

Why You Feel Stuck (Even If You’re Doing “All the Right Things”)

Most people live in the world of:

• What they do

• How they do it

These are easy questions:

• What’s your job?

• What are your goals?

• How are you spending your time?

But here’s the problem:

👉 These questions create structure, not meaning.

That’s why you can:

• Hit a big goal

• Make more money

• Build something successful

…and still feel empty afterward.

This is known as the arrival fallacy—the belief that reaching a goal will finally make you feel fulfilled.

It won’t.

Not unless you understand something deeper first.

The 3 Questions That Give Your Life Meaning

If you want to know how to find purpose in life, it starts with three core questions:

1. Coherence: Why Do Things Happen in My Life?

This question shapes how you interpret your entire life story.

Do you believe:

• Life is random?

• Your choices determine your outcomes?

• There are systems or patterns guiding your path?

Your answer impacts:

• How you handle challenges

• How you process failure

• How much control you believe you have

When you develop a sense of coherence, life stops feeling chaotic and starts feeling understandable.

2. Purpose: Why Am I Moving in This Direction?

This is where most people get stuck.

You can be incredibly driven… but still lack direction that actually fulfills you.

Two people can chase the same goal:

• One feels energized and alive

• The other feels drained and disconnected

The difference?

👉 Their why

For example:

• One person wants money for freedom, experiences, and family

• Another wants money for status or validation

Same goal. Completely different emotional outcome.

If you’re wondering how to find purpose, this is the question that unlocks it.

3. Significance: Why Does My Life Matter?

This is the foundation of meaning.

If your life doesn’t feel like it matters:

• Motivation fades

• Energy drops

• Life feels repetitive and flat

But when you feel like your presence impacts others?

Everything changes.

Research consistently shows that connection and contribution are key drivers of long-term happiness and fulfillment.

👉 Meaning comes from being part of something bigger than yourself.

Not just achieving… but affecting.

Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Goals: What Actually Leads to Fulfillment?

Another major insight from this conversation:

There are two types of goals:

Intrinsic Goals (Internal Fulfillment)

• Personal growth

• Relationships

• Joy

• Purpose

Extrinsic Goals (External Rewards)

• Money

• Status

• Recognition

• Prestige

Here’s where people get it wrong:

• Only chasing external success leads to burnout and emptiness

• Only chasing internal fulfillment can limit growth and sustainability

👉 The key to a meaningful life is balancing both.

You don’t need to reject success.

You need to anchor it in something deeper.

How to Start Finding Meaning in Your Life (Today)

If you’re feeling lost, stuck, or unfulfilled, start here:

1. Ask yourself: Why am I doing what I’m doing?

2. Identify whether your goals are meaningful to you, not just impressive to others

3. Focus on daily actions that create:

   • Connection

   • Growth

   • Contribution

4. Stop waiting for a future milestone to feel fulfilled

👉 Meaning isn’t found at the finish line.
👉 It’s built in the way you live every day.

Why You Should Watch This Conversation

This isn’t a surface-level breakdown.

It’s a real, honest, and sometimes messy conversation about:

• Why high achievers still feel empty

• How to actually discover your purpose

• What creates lasting fulfillment (and what doesn’t)

• The mindset shifts that change everything

If you’ve been searching for:

• “How to find purpose in life”

• “Why do I feel unfulfilled?”

• “How to live a meaningful life”

This video will meet you exactly where you are.

🎥 Watch the Full Video: Finding Meaning, Purpose, and Direction

We go deeper into:

• Real-life examples of purpose vs emptiness

• How to uncover your personal “why”

• Daily habits that build a meaningful life

• And the balance between success and fulfillment

👉 Watch the full video above and let us know what question hit you the hardest.

Transcript (created via AI)

Exactly. We're living it, right? We're here. We're here, living it in this present moment.

All right, guys, we're back. It's Joanne and Colleen. What's up?

We are doing a book study of this wonderful book, The Meaning of Your Life by Arthur Brooks, and we're talking about Chapter 4 today. These are the three big questions that you must ask yourself.

Just as a recap, he says that meaning equals coherence, purpose, and significance.

Coherence is: why do things happen in my life?
Purpose is: why am I moving in the direction that I'm moving in?
And significance is: why does my life matter?

So just to give you a little recap, because this chapter gets pretty deep...

He says that most people don't fully know themselves because they're answering questions that begin with what and how. Meaning requires the knowledge of our life's why.

The “what” questions impart information and are answerable. It's like: what do you do for a living? What are you reading? What religion are you? What do you stand for?

Those are all great things, not to discount them, but they don't get to the deeper meaning of your life or who you are, why you're here.

And the “how” is the way that you're filling your time. What are you doing? How are you doing it?

So both of those questions are great, but the “why” is the one that really gets to the deeper understanding, the deeper reflection of yourself.

I have started asking, when I'm networking, I don’t say “what do you do?” I say, “how do you serve the world?” People are like, that’s a really good question. But after reading this chapter, I’m going to say, “why do you serve the world?” or “why do you love to do what you do?” because I want to get to that deeper level.

Yeah, and this is why I’ve been opposed to networking events. It’s too surface level. But I like your question. It makes them go deeper right from the beginning, which I love.

He says that asking “why” about yourself is more difficult than asking “what” and “how.” Obviously. Asking that requires observation and honesty with yourself.

He suggests that to get beyond the “what” and the “how,” you first stop protecting yourself. Take an honest assessment. Even ask people what they think of you.

Make sure it’s trusted sources. People you look up to, who are regulated, compassionate, and have empathy. Not people with an agenda.

The second thing is to adopt a growth mindset. I’ve always been a growth mindset person. I didn’t know what it was called, but I’ve always been trying to understand myself, life, and humans. Which is very difficult.

His first question is: why do things happen the way they do in my life? That’s coherence.

He gives examples:

• Things happen because of the decisions I make.

• Things happen because of the decisions others make.

• Things happen because of determined physical properties of the universe.

• Things happen because of the will of a higher being.

• Things happen out of sheer randomness.

He asks us to consider what order we put them in.

For me, I cross out randomness and the idea of a higher being controlling everything. I think it’s more of a co-creation.

Number one for me is the laws of the universe.
Number two is the decisions I’ve made.
Number three is the decisions other people make.

Because people affect your reality. If your partner says, “Let’s move to North Carolina,” that changes your life path.

The second question is: why am I moving in this direction?

This reveals your purpose and motivation. Even very successful people often don’t know their true purpose, which is why they achieve goals and still feel empty.

This is why we have JoyLab. We start with: what is your why? What’s your vision?

It has to be meaningful to you. Otherwise, you reach the goal and feel nothing.

That’s called the arrival fallacy. The assumption that once you reach a goal, the bliss will last forever.

But it’s about the journey too. What are you doing daily and weekly to add joy, connection, and meaning?

Everyone might want money, but the reason matters:

• Freedom and travel

• Supporting family

• Building legacy

The meaning behind the goal determines the fulfillment.

Then there’s an exercise: imagine your life in five years, full of meaning.

We both kind of rejected five years. It felt too far. Two years felt more tangible.

In two years:

• Greater service

• More education

• More community building

• Bigger versions of what already exists

The key improvement? Commitment to daily habits.

Then ask:
Are my actions today aligned with that future?

The third question: why does my life matter?

That’s significance.

If your life doesn’t feel like it matters, it lacks meaning. This is deeply tied to mental health.

Significance comes from love and being loved. From knowing that what you do impacts others.

Why are you alive?

From a spiritual lens: to experience, grow, and live.
From a human lens: to serve, help, and make lives better.

That feeling becomes addictive. Helping someone transform is one of the most fulfilling experiences.

Another question: what would you give your life for?

Not literally die for, but what would you give your time to?

For us:

• Family

• Community

• Helping women grow

Because the fulfillment is real.

Intrinsic vs extrinsic goals:

Intrinsic:

• Love

• Growth

• Joy

• Relationships

Extrinsic:

• Money

• Power

• Prestige

You need both.

Only chasing external leads to emptiness.
Only chasing internal makes survival difficult.

The magic is in the blend.

Final reflection:

Commit to the daily actions.
Align with your purpose.
Create meaning through connection, growth, and service.

That’s where the real juice of life lives